She Called Me Jane!

A Happy Happy New Year to you!

As we make our way down these familiar Texas roads, my heart grows heavy with each milage sign that indicates the nearing of the wonderful town of Tyler, TX, one of moms most favorite places to call home during her rich life. The tears more steady now which is so hard to believe considering the impressive tear production I had been experiencing for close to an hour preceding the first Tyler sign.. like it was keeping up with the rhythm of the tires hitting the uneven pavement beneath the car, the tears flowed down my cheeks...

There is simply not a timeframe for which time spend with my mother didn't produce such amazing memories, story telling and laughter! As so many of you continuously tell me, "everyone felt like Jane was their best friend!". Her time and friendships in Tyler was no exception. I absolutely loved visiting mom in Tyler...I simply enjoyed visiting here anywhere and would give anything in this planet to pull up at her door at this vary second.

The drive home from Texas is always longer, far less exciting. Getting back to reality...In times of past id be txting mom to let her know our status and ETA , thanking her again for the many things she would take upon herself to do at my house while we were gone so that my life might be even a smidge easier upon my arrival back. It was always like Christmas morning walking in our door! The last time we were met with a huge "Welcome Home I Missed You" sign! That big smile and warm hug will not be there this go around. Her banner will not hang, blocking the entrance to our home but the things I hold on to so dearly that make me feel the closest I can to her will greet me. Memories made while away that would surly please her...It will be the same hard I face each and every day...but I keep constant the blessing I have in having something so unique and special that makes this process so painful...

As I walked into my brothers kitchen the other day my sister-in-laws friend stopped in mid conversation, looking at me in a sort of spooked way she pulled me into a tight hug...it was New Years Eve and upon greeting her for the first time, she said to me, "You are Jane! You are!" She said, "I loved your mother so much...she was the best and I miss her so much..." She went on, "she was here for this party the last time I saw her...when you came out and I saw your face (she began to tear up & cover her mouth) well I saw your mother, I saw Jane...you are every bit your mother...I know how sad you are but oh my she is so in you!" WOW! She called me Jane all night!

So, the good news is, I am still here to post another post. At this moment oxygen is flowing through my lungs and I am certain that the blood is flowing through my vessels but my heart is no closer to healing or mending. I for some reason feel the great need to reassure you that my blogs will not forever revolve around grief...I'm not 100% sure they always are but still...God is doing and continues to do so much through the details He lays on my heart...to deny His request would be disobedience...so amazing the lessons and eye openers that kick off of life changing events...I so appreciate your staying the course and walking this walk along side me, along side one another...

So with the New Year being here, I felt it was as good a time as any to officially get the ball in motion toward moving my Caring Bridge post to my official blog location:

sarah-sarahsmithphotography.blogspot.

com

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May 2015 bring you nothing but peace and happiness, friendship and more love than your heart can hold! Much love and hugs!

In HIM,

Sarah